Just a cigarette break to think about how I live my life.
This is exactly it, I keep living my life through my family. I know they are important and I know they don’t own me. But I can’t help it, I’m always thinking about my decisions and what they’ll think of them, it makes me anxious, it feels like I can’t do whatever I want because they won’t approve, because they’ll be disappointed in me, it upsets me that I can’t tell them everything but I feel like it’s my right to tell them what I do and why.
Why can’t I just be me without them controlling me? I don’t even live in the same house as them anymore or in the same country for that matter, and I haven’t for a few years now, so why does it affect me so much?
Why should they approve of my decisions? I’m scared to death of them hating me or not liking me for what I do or not do. I need to make my own mistakes, not live through theirs, I’m a different person, I’m not my sister, or my mother, I’m just me and I’m nothing like them.
Things have to change. I need to change the way I live because I can’t continue like this.
But how?
